Joseph Smith once said that if we get the beginning right, it is easier to get the rest of the story right. Of course he was talking about the great plan of salvation and our mortal probation but I believe that the same principle applies to all our stories. The one I’ll spend some time in this article with you is my favorite story to tell: How I met and married my lovely wife.
Let’s therefore begin the right way. The very first time I saw my wife was in February 2012. For those ‘’in the know’’ it was supposed to be the end of the world, remember? Well, the end of my world slowly started that month. It was a church dance for the youth. My in-a-few-years-still-to-be wife was dancing (like all the pretty girls do). I was as afraid as can be of dancing because, let’s face it, guys want to conquer their brides like knights in shining armor but have to face the possibility of defeat. When I saw her my first thought was: ‘’Wow! She is gorgeous!’’ However, I will show you, dear reader, that beauty isn’t everything in love.
My friend had just tried to ask her to dance with him. And… she had totally rejected his humble demand!!! What? How did she dare? His man-pride alert was flashing like the lights of the police car that pulled you over once. And the feeling is just as scary. He comes to me and tells me with all the assurance a 14 year-old can muster after ONE experience: this girl is only superficial.
And I did what all teenagers do on so many subjects, yet they won’t admit it; I swallowed that lie entirely. I knew she was superficial ‘cause my friend said so… and I mean c’mon she was really pretty and was into all sorts of arts so … Insert whatever prejudice you know exists on artists, and you can know I thought it and believed it.
Oh my, how wrong was I!
And I would keep being wrong for a while. Every two to three months, there would be a major youth activity in which we would SEE each other. Every time, she tried to be friendly and every time I would politely (or not) avoid her like the plague. Again, dear reader, I will show you how this plague, as a matter of fact, was the cure I would need.
Two years later, we each are giving talks during a stake conference. For two whole hours we are sitting side by side! Turns out it is not that bad. Actually, it is even awesome. She is fun (which I thought she wasn’t) and is intelligent (which again I thought she wasn’t). Nothing like true work brings people close. So what about working spiritually? For honest men and women striving to put the Lord first, it works like a charm. Even after the meeting we spent another hour or two speaking, getting to know friends and even taking a photo.
By the time we were back home, my prejudices came back and I ghosted her. I really wanted to serve a mission before starting to date and Providence liked that. This isn’t to say that He doesn’t carefully plan and plant seeds, hints if you will, of what He wants for your future. It could be the first lesson I learned in my love story. The Lord knows you, your situation and your desire to serve Him. He also chooses someone like minded of the opposite sex that He’ll propose to you someday. AND HE PLANS IT IN ADVANCE!
I then promptly ghosted Annabel and never really answered her messages. Time passed, seasons passed and to quote the Lord of the Rings : ‘’History became legends and legends, myths. And what was not to be forgotten, was forgotten’’ I went to serve a mission for the Church of Jesus-Christ of latter-day Saints from November 2015 to November 2017. The months are important, you’ll see.
While thus serving the Lord, Annabel almost entirely forgot about my existence. It is almost providential because it would allow us to properly meet at the time we would be ready. Now, it sounds like it was a bumpless road but it wasn’t. Both her and I lived a disappointed love in which we couldn’t quite succeed in getting the person we liked. In my case, it was because the whole story happened in my mind and in her case it was because she loved a young man who never quite reciprocated. Second lesson I learned, you love who you want. Don’t believe the nonsense that you stay in love with your first crush forever. Love requires so much work (as you’ll see in upcoming paragraphs) that I can confidently say: ‘’It is a choice first and then becomes brain chemistry’’
The day I came back from my mission, November 7th 2017 I went to report to my stake president how the mission went. Little did I know that the day before, November 6th, a lovely young woman had met this stake president because she was leaving on a mission of her own. Yep, you guessed it, my future wife and I missed each other by 24 hours!! Well, not exactly since my stake president would not quit talking to me about this young woman I should get to know. If you came for lessons, get ready!
Lesson number three; the Lord will speak to you through the mouths of inspired servants. In fact, this is so true that fathers kinda decided who their sons would marry in Old Testament times. As for my case, I remember thinking vividly that I was going to choose alone who I would marry. No outsider would make that choice for me.
Time passed yet again. While my wife was slaving away serving her mission IN PARADISE (I am a little jealous of the beauty of her mission pictures in French Polynesia), tragedy struck me at home. Three months after my return from my mission, my father and best friend passed away. The next two years would be emotionally somewhat difficult for me. Nevertheless, I did my best and went to the institute and to the young single adults activities.
What I found was a mixed bag of beautiful and sad realizations. A lot of kids going there were doing their very best to lead righteous lives but were so scared of marriage. Others instead were present for the party. So, being in a bad emotional mood, I fit right in! That is, until I started being interested in dating someone there. Bad luck, she was to leave soon on a mission. However, with distance now, I see how wanting to get back into trying to marry helped me resurrect slowly.
I was writing to this girl weekly when a combination of events befell me like winter falls on people who haven’t yet put on their winter tires. I was called as a YSA representative for my ward. Little did I know that a few months prior, a certain Annabel had finished her mission. As she came back home, I was getting the feeling that the girl I was writing to was not the one I would marry. That same week, Annabel gave a homecoming talk at a stake conference. When I tell you that my stake president LOVED her, I am not lying.
She gave an amazing talk but… HER ACCENT WAS AWFUL. Being the silent judge of everyone, I couldn’t stand her new accent she had picked up on her mission. What was so frustrating is that I couldn’t stand the sounds coming out of her mouth but I also could not not listen and be captivated by her words. Cherry on top of the Sunday? The stake president basically auctioned her off saying after her talk: ‘’My young brethren, to whom the chance?’’
Well, time for lesson four! Guys love a challenge so don’t you ever forget, reader, that challenges make life worthwhile. So I guess that I begrudgingly accepted my new challenge. Get to know her to be THE lucky one. My chance would rapidly come. A big camping activity for the single adults was to take place in a month. So, against my will but also of my free will and choice, I went.
The activity would last three days! It would be awesome. There would be some canoeing, some activities around the fire, some hiking, some spiritual stuff and so on and so forth. Still, I was unconvinced. Lesson five; there is always opposition to doing what God has prepared for you and sometimes (in our day and age I would even venture to say often) this opposition is apathy and numbness.
As soon as I got out of the car, some five foot two inches little lady gave me a big hug. She was wearing these obnoxious pink sweatpants. You guessed it, it was Annabel. I thought to myself: ‘’I have three days to get rid of you.’’ Boy, am I glad I failed at that!
I don’t exactly remember much of what happened that day except what happened from 7pm to 3 am (so a big chunk of the day). The lights were out and the organizers had planned on us going for a little stargazing time. Thus far, it doesn’t feel like the most masculine thing to do (I totally see the young women doing this during their camp, but boys? Come on, man!)
Luckily, it is quite a spiritual experience and there are ways to make it appeal to men as well. In my case, the greatest appeal came at the end of the stargazing. We were asked to distance ourselves and to go pray/ponder alone. That is when I heard a beautiful young woman crying softly. Annabel was having a hard time with her mission comeback. So I felt prompted to go talk to her. As I approached, all she could hear was my aluminum water bottle that was attached to my jeans clinging against my pants. What happens next is pure poetry.
I said: ‘’ You know, I have three younger sisters so I know when a woman cries.’’ I am still waiting for my ‘’worst pickup line ever’’ award. I know it’ll arrive someday…
We then talked for hours! We would talk about our dreams, our past, our aspirations, etc.… To quote Oliver Cowdery: ‘’These were times never to be forgotten’’ During the day activities we would be inseparable. Spending so much time together was a blast and it also was very natural. It was a natural friendship. Both of us, completely in denial, would say to our friends that we were just good friends. Another lesson for me, since you really have to choose who you love, friends make for good life-partners.
The second evening we were attending this activity, there were two firesides the kids had to choose to participate in. One was about marriage and the other was about trials and hardship. Needless to say that the fireside on marriage only attracted a few girls (Annabel included) and the one on hardship was packed. I don’t know why single people are so afraid of marriage even though they show up to activities especially designed to get them hitched for time and eternity. It probably has something to do with the stories they tell themselves. Anyway, I digress.
My-soon-to-be wife felt a few minutes after the start of her fireside that she had to attend the other one (you know, where I was…) With distance now, I laugh thinking that I had somewhat tried but not really to get rid of her all day. After all, I just wanted us to be friends, right? Finally! I was attending an activity where she wasn’t. Well, believe it or not, it felt a bit lonely. That is, that’s how it was until that fateful minute where the cutest little angel appeared.
Annabel had switched fireside and, poor little beauty, the only seat available was next to me. We both chuckled internally. I mean God would not let us not be together. As the fireside was given, we were a bit distracted. I mean, when you’re sitting next to gorgeous people, it tends to happen. But more so than mere physicality, we were being testified personal directions from the Holy Ghost. I felt that now I had to take a real interest in her or to admit to myself that she was a potential wife for me. Her inspirations were a few steps ahead. She felt like I was the man she would marry someday in the near future!
Just that, you know? How do you live with such a prompting? At first she panicked a little. ‘’I don’t even know this guy that much’’ ‘’Really God? Is this a joke?’’ To help her out a little, I even felt impressed to share my parents’ love story and how my dad proposed to my mom after three weeks of knowing each other. As you can guess she said: ‘’ If a guy ever does that to me, I’ll run away!’’ As you’ll know, she didn’t run away.
The last day was again full of adventures and of spending time together. When the camping activity was over, we said goodbye, SHOOK HANDS (that is a big no no if you have feelings for someone, it is just way too cold) and went our separate ways. History was about to repeat itself and I was about to ghost her for the foreseeable forever. Then, as a bright light out of the abyss, she messaged me asking if I were interested in playing softball with friends of her family. Naturally, feeling desired, I said yes. And I made the mistake of dressing like I normally did. That is looking like a retired grand-pa.
My wife’s testimony of us having to get married received a big hit that that. Nevertheless, we had a lot of fun. The next day, a sabbath day, we felt like she could help some people in my family with their emotions. Annabel always had a knack for life coaching it seems. So I attended church in her ward (which was an hour drive away from mine) , drove her to meet my mom and sisters as a friend (everyone saw through this lie except for us it seems) and then drove her back to her home with her parents. All in all, I drove four hours that day for her. New lesson; the pearl of great price is worth A LOT of sacrifice, because she is so worth it!
It would not be another week before we met again. This time we went to the place where she grew up and ended up in a fast-food restaurant and I hit her with my deepest fear in the form of a super aggressive question. I asked: ‘’So, what are we now? Are we just friends or boyfriend/girlfriend?’’ What a way to finish a nice evening with your crush! Simultaneously, what a great way to start on the right foot. I started to learn that day that in good healthy communication, we ask what we really think and feel. I still had TONS to learn on the subject but it was a good (albeit weird) start. We figured we were boyfriend/girlfriend. ‘’Good job guy, after the whole universe had figured it out, your turn came. We’re so proud!’’
We then made a fateful choice, we would go to the temple the next week. Driving there, I was alone in my car and I couldn’t stop crying. I knew I had to marry her. For the people counting, it was our third week of knowing each other. After a wonderful endowment session, we took some alone time in the celestial room, waited for all to go out and I uttered the words that have blessed my life ever since. The Lord allowed for us to be pushed to new heights and we were doing things we never thought we could do alone (and the pattern would only keep growing in recurrence and intensity). I said: Annabel, I know it is not the most romantic setting and I don’t have a ring but will you marry me?’’
Having nowhere to run, and being helped by the Spirit, she said: ‘’Yes’’
