“Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies..” (Proverbs 31:10)
Many women around the world are on this journey of being confident in who they are as daughters of Heavenly Parents. In today’s world, it is not always a piece of cake to remember that our worth truly surpasses even the most precious and expensive gems. The image of the woman is attacked in all sorts of ways, and various mindsets lead us astray from our divine nature and our sacred feminine nature.
In this article, I feel prompted to share with you three tips that help me build my self-worth in a healthy way. When bringing up the subject of self-confidence, I feel the importance of emphasizing that the only way to achieve it in its purest form is by putting the Savior Jesus Christ in the center of our growth and by using the scriptures to deepen our understanding of it.
Without Him, I wouldn’t be the woman I am today. Without Him, I wouldn’t have been able to work on my confidence as I have been doing! Let me share with you what Elder Glenn L. Pace said in his talk in 2005 on Confidence and Self-Worth:
“Too often we wallow in our weaknesses so much that we do not allow “weak things” to “become strong.” Our condition is frequently misdiagnosed as humility, when in reality it is a lack of confidence.
What is the difference between the two?
To be humble is to recognize our utter dependence upon the Lord. We are conscious of our strengths, but we do not exalt ourselves and become prideful, for we know that all good things ultimately come from God. We are conscious of our weaknesses, but we know the Lord can use those very weaknesses to bless our lives and that through Him, as we learn from the book of Ether, our weaknesses can become strengths.
To lack confidence is to have feelings of low self-worth. We are preoccupied with our weaknesses, and we lack faith in the Lord’s ability to use those weaknesses for our good. We do not understand our inestimable worth in the eyes of God, nor do we appreciate our divine potential. Ironically, both pride and a lack of self-confidence cause us to focus excessively on ourselves and to deny the power of God in our lives.”
Now that we made this clear, let’s talk about some tools! You’re ready?
TIP #1 SERVICE IN THE KINGDOM
When I did some research on the internet, this tip was not on the top 10 list of things you can do to have more confidence. What the Lord teaches is often part of the most unpopular opinion that you can find out there, but trust me, service is one of the most powerful ways to gain your self-worth. Serving others has been a blessing in my personal life. The Lord has helped me to discover my spiritual gifts. He has shown me how I am needed in His work and how the life of others can change when I do His will! Serving my husband and seeing him full of gratitude when I am kind and meek, hearing my two and a half daughter laughing when I play with her, helping someone in need are all simple things that help me understand my worth, while blessing the life of others! When I shift my focus on God first and others, He then teaches me more about who I was before this life and who I can become in this life if I accept His help. Later, in Elder Glenn L. Pace’s talk we read:
“We learn further from the scriptures how to gain confidence: “Let thy bowels also be full of charity towards all men, and to the household of faith, and let virtue garnish thy thoughts unceasingly; then shall thy confidence wax strong in the presence of God; and the doctrine of the priesthood shall distill upon thy soul as the dews from heaven” (D&C 121:45).
In other words, the Lord endows us with confidence as we practice “charity towards all men” and have righteous thoughts. One way we can practice charity is to be generous in our praise of others, thus helping them gain confidence as well. I have always loved the feeling Alma had for Ammon and his brethren when they met after a separation. “I do not joy in my own success alone, but my joy is more full because of the success of my brethren, who have been up to the land of Nephi,” Alma said.
“Behold, they have labored exceedingly, and have brought forth much fruit; and how great shall be their reward!
“Now, when I think of the success of these my brethren my soul is carried away, even to the separation of it from the body, as it were, so great is my joy” (Alma 29:14–16).
I believe that Alma’s healthy sense of accomplishment and his knowledge that the Lord approved of his efforts helped him to have sincere joy for his brethren. While he gave the credit for his success to the Lord, he did not feel guilty for knowing he had done well.
I am convinced that when we obtain a witness of who we really are and possess healthy feelings of self-worth because of it, our joy in the accomplishments of others is magnified. When that joy is felt, we should share it.
How blessed we are to know where we came from and what we have the potential to become. Let each of us work harder to recognize the accomplishments of others as well as being aware of our own talents and successes. And let us be confident in the knowledge that “the worth of souls is great in the sight of God” (D&C 18:10) and that with the Lord’s help, we can accomplish far more than we could ever do on our own.”
TIP #2 WORDS HAVE POWER
“Who shall say that it was not a miracle that by His word the heavens and the earth were made? And by the power of His word man was created from the dust of the earth; and by the power of His word miracles have been performed.” – Mormon 9:17
The Lord created the universe by the power of His word. On our side, the words we say daily impact our internal and external world. How do you speak to yourself? Are you gentle and loving? What words do you use in your inner dialogue to describe yourself? Do they reflect your divine nature? Being mindful of the words we use toward ourselves is essential if we want to build our self-confidence. If you want to feel more confident but are constantly putting yourself down, you won’t be able to reach your goal. Take the time to sit down and rethink some of the phrases you use to describe yourself with more uplifting words. Let me give you an example. Instead of saying, “I’m too shy. I don’t know how to speak in public,” you could reframe it by saying, “I’m developing a new skill. I have the opportunity to learn how to communicate properly.”
The Lord teaches His children a lot through repetition in the scriptures. Repeating positive affirmations daily helps to create new habits and embed our learnings in long-term memory. Dieter F. Uchtdorf once said:
“Prophets have always taught by repetition; it is a law of learning. You will hear repetition in themes and doctrines in general conference. Let me reassure you: this is not due to a lack of creativity or imagination. We continue to hear messages on similar issues because the Lord is teaching and impressing upon our minds and hearts certain foundational principles of great eternal importance that must be understood and acted upon before we can move on to other things. A wise builder first lays the foundation before erecting the walls and the roof” (“General Conference—No Ordinary Blessing,” Ensign, Sept. 2011).
REPETITION IS KEY ! A positive affirmation is basically a simple sentence that you repeat constantly in your mind as simple as “I AM CONFIDENT”. Now, I will tell you a secret here… Do you want your positive affirmation to be even more effective? Use God’s own words! Repeat to yourself a verse in the scriptures. God’s words are powerful and more importantly, they are true. For example:
“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” (Philippians 4:13)
“7 For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.” (2 Timothy 1:7)
Or
“Let thy bowels also be full of charity towards all men, and to the household of faith, and let virtue garnish thy thoughts unceasingly; then shall thy confidence wax strong in the presence of God; and the doctrine of the priesthood shall distill upon thy soul as the dews from heaven” (D&C 121:45).
I invite you to use gentleness in your words toward yourself and others. Words can build or destroy. They can heal or hurt deeply. Use them wisely!
TIP #3 TAKE CARE OF THE BODY GOD HAS GIVEN YOU
Our body is a temple. (See 1 Corinthians 3:16-17) Reminding yourself that your body is like the Temple of God is crucial for building self-confidence. First of all, taking care of our spirit by praying and reading our scriptures fuels and nourishes the soul. We also know that doing the same thing with our physical body is as important. We often hear that eating healthy, exercising, and feeding our mind with uplifting entertainment are good ways to show gratitude for the body our Heavenly Father entrusted to us and all of this is true! Let me add another aspect on how you can take care of yourself. We find the answer in the first chapter of Alma, verse 27: “they were neat and comely.” Wait, who were neat and comely? THE NEPHITES! The people of Israel. God’s people. Who knew the Book of Mormon was teaching us about fashion and beauty?
When I found this verse, I was happy to share it with my husband and to tell him that I was right all this time: Grooming ourselves is a good thing and it is part of taking care of our tabernacle! Okay okay. Now, before I go too far with this, I want to make sure I am talking clearly. I am not talking about being like the people in the big and spacious building, wearing costly apparels and being prideful about their appearance. My point here is to lead you on this reflection on how you can honor and live up to your divine heritage by taking care of the physical vehicle of your spirit. In other words, your body.
My name means “grace” and “beauty.” Ever since my childhood, I have always been drawn to what is beautiful and elegant because it helped me feel closer to God. I think it was perhaps reminding me also of my Heavenly home (I’m pretty sure our Heavenly Parents have good taste. This is a NO BRAINER for me). When I dress modestly and elegantly, I feel closer to the Spirit. When I feel closer to the Spirit, I am then more confident in what I feel prompted to say or do. When you take care of yourself, the Spirit can also work more easily with the people you interact with because it helps them feel safe in your presence! My husband has often told me that his mission president once said to him:
“It’s good to be good, but it’s just as good to look good.” He taught my husband that the way missionaries dress, style their hair, speak, and behave was crucial in helping people be safe in their company and feel the truthfulness of the message they were sharing. What message do you wish to convey? If you want to feel confident, take care of yourself. Be gentle and loving with your skin, your hair, your nails, your teeth, and wear clothes that reflect a woman with a noble birthright.
When Alma was describing that the Nephites were neat and comely, he also said that they were not wearing costly apparels. God loves simplicity. When I go to the Temple, every room is clean, refined, and orderly. I personally try to do the same with every part of my body, as if each were truly a room within the Temple of God. Taking care of oneself may seem trivial or even superficial for some people (I do not blame them because of all the counterfeits we see in the world today) but when this practice is done in the right way, with our eyes set on God’s glory, there’s a real strength that accompanies us in applying this principle! I promise you, nurturing your spirit and physical appearance in righteousness will boost your self-esteem!
GORDON B. HINCLEY
“Put on thy beautiful garments, O daughters of Zion. Live up to the great and magnificent inheritance which the Lord God, your Father in Heaven, has provided for you. Rise above the dust of the world. Know that you are daughters of God, children with a divine birthright. Walk in the sun with your heads high, knowing that you are loved and honored, that you are a part of his kingdom, and that there is for you a great work to be done which cannot be left to others.” ( “Live Up to Your Inheritance“, Ensign, november 1983, p. 84)
